Deciding to Live
by jazzykitty76
Summary: (BIXLU) Bickslow finally gets the courage to ask Lucy ask, but both have their secrets. Rated M for future Lemons.


**Chapter one**

 _ **Authors Note**_

 _ **This is my first fanfic! This is going to be before the GMG, because I want to change up some things. I tried to keep things close to how they happened, but whatever! It's a fanfic. I get to be creative! I do not own Fairy tail or any of the characters. If I did It would be a huge reverse harem! mmm…. Crack pairings. Shout out to Leoslady4ever, Gemnika, Dragon's host, and booklover1947. Such amazing people who helped me in one way or another! Leave a review!**_

Lucy snuggled under her pink covers as she sank into her bed. There was a huge party to celebrate Lisanna and Natsu's mating, but it didn't start to die down until well after midnight. She was exhausted and yet, undeniably happy.

She grinned remembering how yesterday Natsu had walked into the guild blushing, hand in hand with Lisanna. He couldn't even announce it, he was stuttering so badly, but Lisanna more than made up for it.

"Everyone," She had yelled in a true Natsu-like fashion. "We're mated!" She looked so happy, her cheeks were rosy and her blue eyes glowing. Her mating mark, which started on her shoulder and wrapped down her arm, was beautiful. Red and orange flames danced and woven between them was a pink traditional chinese dragon. Odd to lucy, since she had seen Igneel and he looked nothing like that, but she realized it was supposed to represent Natsu, not his father.

After everyone's shock wore off, other than Lucy who had known he would ask Lisanna, there were mixed reactions. The other Dragon slayers went to congratulate Natsu, the males slapping his shoulder and Wendy giving him a hug. Mira fainted imagining the pink haired, blue eyed, babies. Markarov called for the party Lucy just returned from and almost everyone else cheered. Elfman, however, went for Natsu's throat, and Evergreen promptly turned him to stone.

The party was underway and lasted hours. Of course, no party was complete without a couple fights. Gray had pulled Gajeel and Laxus into one when he mockingly asked when they were going to get a mate. After all, Natsu, the dense idiot, had beaten them. Lucy could hardly contain her laughter when she remembered the insults that were yelled back and forth.

Surprisingly, Natsu hadn't gotten involved, but that was mostly due to the hand Lisanna had refused to let go of. Unfortunately, everyone made up for his absence with enthusiasm and Lucy knew that in the morning, or afternoon rather, when everyone crawled to the guild, A hungover master would be complaining about them nearly destroying the guild hall. Again.

Lucy giggled sleepily and turned on her side to look out her open window. ' _I'll have to get used to locking it now_ ,' she mused. ' _but for tonight, it won't hurt to leave it open_.' She laid there for a few minutes thinking. She wouldn't have anyone there to hold her if she were lonely anymore. Natsu has Lisanna now. ' _What about me? Will I ever have anyone?_ ' It was a pleasant, but warm, night and she enjoyed the breeze that gently entered her room. The curtains swayed hypnotically lulling her towards sleep. The crickets sang her the song of summer and her eyelids slowly lowered and she didn't fight to keep them open….

A few days after the party, Lucy sat with her head on the hard counter of the bar, her long golden hair fanning down her shoulders. She was going to go on a mission in a couple days, but until then she had nothing to do. She let out a long, frustrated sigh and cast her eyes around the guild, searching for someone to talk to. Lucy had little luck.

Natsu was still honeymooning with Lisanna. He had taken her to the hot springs everyone had gone to before. Natsu had been gushing about how much fun they were going to have before they left. "See you next week, Luigi!" He had yelled running out the guild with a blushing Lisanna draped over his shoulder.

Gray and Juvia were on a mission together. Lucy didn't know how on Earthland Juvia convinced him, but asking her was the first thing she was going to do when they got back. Erza and Wendy were also curious and followed them. They, unlike her, didn't have an upcoming mission, and had the free time to do it. ' _I wish I went with them._ '

Gajeel was in a mood and was growling at everyone. While Lucy knew that she was one of the few people he would let sit with him regardless of his mood, that didn't mean that she wanted to listen to him when he was like this. Even Levy was avoiding him, and had left on an errand with Jet and Droy. Lucy didn't know why he was upset, but it probably had to do with Lilly. He hadn't been in the guild since the party and usually the unlikely pair were always together.

Everyone else she usually talked to was out of the guild for one reason or another. Lucy sighed again and leaned back in her stool. She lifted her arms above her head and arched her back as she stretched, the softest of moans barely leaving her mouth at the relief her stiff body felt. She held that position for a few seconds and then returned to slumping over the bar.

' _Maybe_ ,' Lucy thought to herself. ' _I could use this as an opportunity to talk to someone new_ '. She sat up and looked around again. Alzack, Bisca, and Asuka were sitting at a table together and she considered going over to them, but looking more closely, she realized she shouldn't interrupt. They were all cuddling and laughing together and Lucy knew she didn't want to be responsible for ruining such an adorable family moment. She continued to glance around the room when she saw him. Laxus was sitting just a few seats to the left of her. He was facing the rest of the guild hall, his back against the bar. Lucy could see that his eyes were closed, but she knew he was awake and probably aware of her stare. She knew it wouldn't be hard to start a conversation with him, Natsu did it all the time, but she felt anxiety just thinking about it. She was still a little bit intimidated by him because of Fantasia. " _but maybe thats exactly the reason I should talk to him_ ," Lucy thought. She took a deep breath, trying to control her nervousness, and turned her body towards him.

"Um," Lucy began softly before clearing her throat and swallowing. "Hi, Laxus," She continued with a much stronger voice. She watched his head turn towards her and his eyes slowly open to stare at her for a few seconds. He didn't remove his headphones, but from what Natsu had told her before, she knew there was probably no music playing anyways.

"Hello, Blondie," He replied looking at her. His blue eyes was focused on her and Lucy couldn't help but flush. "Something you need?"

"I- I was sitting here and noticed you were alone too so I was wondering if you wanted to talk?" She couldn't stop herself and looked down, examining her hands. She could hear her voice tremble slightly and cursed herself. ' _Come on! don't be a baby_.' she thought fiercely. ' _He's done so much good for our guild since then and none of it was really his fault! It was his father's_.' She took a deep breath and steeled herself. She looked back up and adopted a polite smile on her face. "Is that okay? I wouldn't want to bother you."

"Nah, you aren't bothering me." He closed his eyes again and leaned back against the counter. Lucy smiled gratefully at him, although he couldn't see it, and opened her mouth to say something when she felt an arm drape over her shoulder. She jumped and looked up to see Bixlow with his long tongue hanging out of his mouth.

"You're free to bother me anytime, cosplayer." He leered at her playfully. The totems that were always with him gently swirled around them. ' _Their names are pappa, peppe, pippi, poppo, and puppu if i remember right_ ,' Lucy thought to herself. She then noticed that he wasn't wearing his helmet and smiled. He had started wearing it less and less at the guild lately. She had asked him about it once during one of their few interactions and he said that he didn't feel like the guild was afraid of him anymore. He had only worn it to set them at ease when they learned about his magic. "Especially when you're wearing that cheerleading costume." Lucy laughed and swatted the limb away from her.

"You assume i would **want** to bother you!" She shot back at him. Bickslow may have been a big part of Fantasia too, but there was something about him that just set her at ease. Maybe it was the fact that he went easy on her and Cana at the S-class trials or that he had kept Loke's secret, but she just couldn't bring herself to be afraid of him. "And I was talking to Laxus. Be a good boy and wait your turn."

"Well, I can wait." He replied grinning. "Why don't we take my turn in bed tonight? I can show you how good I can be." His babies bobbed up and down, repeating, "Can wait. wait. In bed, bed." Lucy smiled and shook her head ruefully. She wouldn't deny it, she thought he was attractive. Who wouldn't? His strong physique and his deliciously cocky attitude could drive a nun to sin, but Lucy wasn't looking for a fling. He was the kind of guy she could really fall for if she let herself and that scared her. She wanted a meaningful long term relationship and she didn't think Bickslow could deliver that. He was always so easy going and almost never serious. And she never saw him with the same girl twice. Not that any guy really wanted too anyways. ' _Most guys just look at me as a one stop fuck and leave. Look at me… am I really anyone to take home?'_ Lucy thought depressingly. The only times he had ever been somber was when it concerned Laxus, like when he got poisoned trying to help that town. Why did Bickslow care so much about him? It made her insanely curious.

"Laxus? How did you and Bickslow meet?" Lucy inquired suddenly. The man had been watching the interaction with bored eyes, but when she asked her question both of the men stiffened and Bickslow grew quiet. They looked at each other and you could see the silent conversation between them.

"I ran away from home," Laxus finally replied a few long moments later. "It was when I was a teenager and was still living with my father. Bix was in the town I ended up in. We ran into each other and we clicked. He was strong, something that I thought was the most important in those days." His eyes stared into the guild, not really seeing anything, and Lucy could tell that he was immersed in his memories. She wondered if he yearned for those days, before he became so responsible. she also noticed he was being very vague, She felt like he was holding a lot back, but it was probably personal. She wouldn't push it.. For now. Not when this was the first conversation she really had with him.

"I liked him because he seemed pretty cool," Bickslow added with a grin, but Lucy could tell he was faking it this time. There was a painful look in his eyes that she had never seen before. It made her wonder what else she had missed with only chatting with him when they ran into each other every now and then. He wrapped his arm around her and squeezed her close. "Why do you want to know? You falling for me, Cosplayer?" She knew he was trying to change the subject and instead of fighting with him about it, she dropped it.

"You wish," Lucy laughed and poked his side, enjoying the feeling of his muscles. She hated that normally she couldn't see them underneath his armour, but understood that since his magic was more of a long distance thing, he needed something extra for his defense. "But if **you** want to fall for **me….** I won't judge. I'm pretty awesome." Lucy winked at him with a mischievous grin, but on the inside all she felt was insecure. She wasn't awesome. She was weak. She'd never surpass Natsu, Gray, or Bixlow. She stole a glance at Laxus, ' _No way in hell that I'll ever beat that powerhouse.'_

Bickslow chuckled and said, "I don't know…. I don't really know you that well." He pulled her even closer and smiled when he saw that she was scowling at him, but when she opened her mouth to reply, he continued. "Why don't you let me take you on a date? We can talk over dinner." Lucy blinked slowly, while the words sank in.

' _He…. what….. oh my god.'_ she thought brokenly. She couldn't even string together a sentence in her mind, let alone out loud. All Lucy could do was stare at him for a few moments until she realized she was still wrapped in his arms and jerked away. Unfortunately, the force of it made her tumble out of the stool and she hit the ground hard, a loud, "oomph," tumbling out of her mouth.

"Lucy?!" Bickslow cried out in shock and bent down to check if she was okay. She blushed and looked away as he helped her stand up, his totems echoing her name. They hovered over their heads, flying closer than they had been earlier in case their help was needed. "Geez, If you were that against it…. you didn't have to hurt yourself to get away from me." Lucy's eyes snapped up to see a split second of look on his face before it was replaced by his normal look: His tongue hanging out of his mouth and a big grin.

"No! That wasn't it!" She nearly shouted. "How could you think that! I was just shocked." She flushed and grabbed Bickslow's started to hope she was wrong about him. He'd never said anything about wanting more before, but that didn't mean anything. Lucy had never told him that she thought he was attractive. He probably didn't even know. "I just didn't think that you looked at me that way… That you wanted more." She paused for a second and furrowed her brow before slowly pulling her hand away. "Or am I just getting ahead of myself and you don't really want that?"

Lucy started remembering all the guys that she thought had liked her. They had all been after one thing. Sex. And after she gave it to them they would leave her. Bickslow had made it clear that he liked her body and had never actually complimented on her on anything besides her physical appearance. it was always, "Looking good, Cosplayer;" or, "Nice skirt. It shows off your legs." ' _I'm stupid for thinking he wanted anything more than my body,'_ she thought sadly.

 _ ****Bickslow's POV****_

Bickslow stared at Cosplayer in shock. He'd never seen that look on her face seemed so unsure of herself and upset. From what he had always seen, she was very confident.

Cosplayer had been driving him crazy for months and even before that, he'd been at least a little interested. Her figure was enticing, but more importantly she was smart. And kind. And strong. Everyone in the guild loved her and even though she joined much later than everyone else, it felt like she had always been there. She was the heart of the guild and if she were to ever be lost, it would never shine as brightly.

He remembered the first time they ever met. Bickslow had been watching her. It was the fact that she had been wearing a cheerleader costume that had caught his attention. If he remembered correctly it had been for a beauty contest or something. ' _She should've won_ ,' Bickslow thought to himself. She had looked amazing. Her hips swayed as she ran down the streets. Her tits bounced deliciously and with every step she took, her skirt fluttered higher, exposing even more leg before it slid back down. He definitely would've tried to pick her up if they were in a bar or club, but she wasn't. If he had met her as a guild member and they were simply sparing, he would've gone easier on her. However, at that time she was an enemy and in his eyes beyond weak. So he attacked.

He remembered Lucy asking him if he thought Gramps would ever forgive him for what he was doing. "I don't need Master's forgiveness because when this is over, Laxus will be the master," He had replied confidently. Bixlow was wrong though. Laxus didn't take over the guild and Cosplayer was far from being the pathetic girl he had thought she was. Sure, at first he was at the advantage, but that was only because he took her keys. With her being magicless, he could've simply defeated her then, but he hesitated, instead deciding to try to turn her into one of his spirits. ' _Cosplay Girl's soul is beautiful_ , he thought. A rose gold that gleamed with an intensity he had never seen before. Bixlow just wanted to have it near him forever. " _I went the wrong way about it though_ ," He thinks ruefully to himself. Loke came to help her, his ability to open his own gate a miscalculation, and they ended up kicking his ass.

After that, Laxus had been banished and the Raijunshuu might as well have been. Everyone avoided them. Bickslow hated feeling their wary looks on him. He hated seeing their souls cower at the sight of him. He hated the silence that filled the guild when he walked in. It was so different from when Lucy walked in. It was like everyone's souls lit up and came to life. Laughter filled the air and guild fights broke out left and right. It was amazing really. She truly was the 'light' of fairy tail.

When Lisanna came back, a true miracle, Bickslow just knew that Cheerleader had something to do with it. He might not know what happened, but he did know that whenever something good happened she was always involved. He could no longer keep his eyes from following her, not that he ever could. She had captivated him. So when Bickslow realized that Natsu was neglecting Lucy by spending all his time with Lisanna, he was furious. Yet, he didn't feel like he had the right to say anything. No matter what Natsu was doing, Bickslow had done so much worse.

During the S-class trials, He had been partnered with Freed. He was determined to help one of his best friends help take the place of Laxus in the guild. He didn't know that Lucy would be coming as Cana's partner until she was on the boat. He could only pray they wouldn't have to fight them. Unfortunately, praying wasn't enough.

After Bickslow picked himself up off the ground, he looked at Freed. "Is this okay?" He asked softly.

"I had already decided to go easy on them if we had to battle," He had replied. "We owed a debt to them. It was a little ridiculous pretending to be weak against women though."

"What about replacing Laxus?" Bix asked.

"What's important isn't succeeding Laxus. It's being a member of this guild. Besides, it wouldn't be right to force you to battle against the girl you fancy." Freed smirked in Bickslow's direction.

"H-how did you know?" Bix stuttered in shock. He felt the heat in his face and was grateful he decided to wear the mask to the trials.

"You're my best friend," Freed had answered simply. "But still… to run into us… Lucy and Cana sure have good luck."

When the Island was attacked, Bickslow knew exactly where Cheerleader would be. Protecting the guild. When they ran into each other at the makeshift infirmary, He promised he could protect those left there. When she looked at him with absolute trust, he felt his heart warm. Cosplayer knew that he'd do anything for this guild. That he'd changed from when they first met.

When Achnologica screeched high above in the air and the terror had settled into each and everyone of them, they had formed a ring. Preparing to die, Bixlow settled himself next to his friends…. and directly across from Lucy. He watched her. Her hands trembling in fear, but her chocolate eyes were strong. Her face was the last thing he saw before everything went dark.

When they woke up 7 years later, everyone had changed. The guild members, that were not on the island, changed in ways that were more obvious, It was there in how they had aged, but those left on the island had a less noticable difference. Their eyes held something new. Something you could always see in the more powerful mages. The ones that had faced death and had just barely won. A newly appreciated knowledge of how precious life was lurked in their depths. They were just a little more reckless. A little more emotional. They were determined to live. Bickslow was determined to live.

It had taken a few months since then for him to gather his courage to ask Cosplayer out. He tried his best to act normal, but was worried he was too unnatural. When she shoved herself out of his arms, his heart ached. When she questioned her own self worth, his heart broke.

"Cosplayer… Lucy," Bickslow gently tilted her face up. "I definitely want more. I want to treat you like the princess you are. I want to make you feel even more special and loved than your spirits can." He blushed a soft pink, unused to the soft words coming out of his mouth. "Am i attracted to you? Of course I am. You're beautiful. You're so smart. You're stronger than most people give you credit for." He took a deep breath and steadied his nerves for what he was about to say next. "Your soul is stunning. It's what caught my attention first. Your eyes captivated me next. You caught me in your laugh. And you, Lucy Heartfilia, have captured my own soul. I love you and I would love to take you out on a date tonight."

She was quiet for a few seconds, tears from his little impromptu speech streaming down her face. She looked into his eyes and smiled.

"Yes," She said, choking on her tears. "Yes!" Lucy flung herself into his arms and barely noticed the guild burst into cheers.


End file.
